You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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