Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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