I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
