So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
