his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
