I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
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You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
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What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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