If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
