Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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