Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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