Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
