If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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