i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
