I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
