Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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