I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We need to get me chipped asap
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
