Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
