We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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