Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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