these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
