good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
