I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
