She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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