when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize