I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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