I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize