I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
