I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
