Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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