No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
