Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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