i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
