New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
