just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
