tell your sister to shave her snatch
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
