I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
