Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
