Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
