Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
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After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
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Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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