...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
this will be a night to untag.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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