I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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