She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
