i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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