Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
