Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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