i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
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He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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