Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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