My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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