I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
