I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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