i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
