): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
