shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
