dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize