When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
hell yes lets make some ravioli
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
