Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
