when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
