Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
