just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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