he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
