Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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