she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
