i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
