I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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