Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
