Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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