My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
