I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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