im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
