ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
