I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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