omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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