I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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