just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
