if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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